HELD LOOSELY

It was the vase that inspired the initial painting. Shrouded in royal gold with burnt-red swimming around the pattern. But vessels are meant to hold things. A gathering of reds, pinks and sunrise oranges seemed worthy of such a container. I sketched out the bouquet nestled securely in its lovely container on a level surface. As I worked on the piece, I grew more and more attached to those flowers, all loosely arranged. The blooms were in loud, colorful conversations with 

sly green leaves mingling in the mix, fitted within a brilliant vase, catching light, turning heads. But something was off.
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My arrangement was tilting, tipping, falling. I hadn’t even noticed the shift. I began scrambling to see how to “fix” it — change the shadows and light, pull out some flowers here and add more there— in order to set it back straight and securely on the table, just like I sketched from the very beginning. But beauty came when I allowed it to fall. Those floral conversations separated. The angled leaves became wings. The gold vessel prepared itself for a blow on its end. The letting go gave way to a refined breaking of expectations.

I have a white-knuckle grip on the things/people I fear to lose, the things I believe are completely in my control. Holding loosely what I think is perfect or “mine” and allowing the tilting of my expectations causes me to see the beauty of the blows and loosens my heart to accept what is better, though it may be harder.
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“I’ve learned that we must hold everything loosely because when I grip it tightly, it hurts when the Father pries my fingers loose and takes it from me!” -Corrie ten Boom